a phase of my life was closing tonight, a new one opening tomorrow: impossible to slumber in the interval; i must watch feverishly while the change was being accomplished [107]...it is a very strage sensation to inexperienced youth to feel itself quite alone in the world, cut adrift from every connection, uncertain whether the port to which it is bound can be reached, and prevented by many impediments from returning to that it has quitted. The charm of adventure sweetens the sensation, the glow of pride warms it...[112].
i think charlotte bronte puts it quite nicely. 10:07 tonight is my closing and opening hour, when it all changes for good.
Sunday, July 18, 2010
Saturday, July 10, 2010
I'm never never never never leaving home again
After 3 stinkin days in the car, we're FINALLY back from the hill country of Arkansas, where we visited my charming relatives. Nothing against them, but that trip is exhausting. Did I mention that I'm never cramping up in a car, eating gross junk food from trucker stops, and staring at minuscule DVD player screens EVER again? It's a promise. An UNbreakable vow.
The End.
Except for the fact that I'll be heading off to Africa in 8 days, and that, too, is apparently an exceptionally LONG trip...ugh
The End.
Except for the fact that I'll be heading off to Africa in 8 days, and that, too, is apparently an exceptionally LONG trip...ugh
Thursday, July 1, 2010
well paid in cash, but also in some conclusions
Nanny-ing is hard work. You have to drive the kids around, make sure they eat, make sure they're clean and happy and on-the-spot, do this, do that, waste all your gas, and walk away dead beat with very little thanks, and a lot to think about.
Today was a first for me-nanny wise. Babysitting is a different story. Taking-care -of-kids-all-day is also a different story. They're separate entities, each comprised of different needs, values, and activities. As a nanny, you become a surrogate mother. And it's really sad, actually.
My charges today were two young, wealthy teens in a fancy-shmancy part of SD. It took me almost an hour to get there, going 80 the whole way to avoid being late. When I arrived, there wasnt a mother to open the door, there was a list, on the counter, of my chores for the day.
So, starting then, I inserted myself in the lives of this busy family and drove the daughter through Pacific Beach up into La Jolla, to a photography shop for her to buy pictures of herself. Then onto lunch at Burger Lounge, then drop her off for her hour long facial, then pick her up, drive over to Miramar(!) College to pick up her little brother, bradley, from his last day of basketball camp. get little brother and his little friend, david, and take them back to the house. then an hour later take Morgan to dance class, come BACK to the house, get my pay check, and split for home. Amazingly, this took about 7 hours to accomplish.
And MY thing is, why even have kids if you arent planning on taking care of them? I mean, I'm a flat out stranger to these kids, yet it's my job to drive them all over the city, making sure their schedules flow smoothly. But really? I just feel bad for them. Where are their parents? Do they ever see them? What is keeping this family together? Their crazy schedules sure arent.
It made me think long and hard about me being a parent someday and how I want to be. I have dreams, obviously, for my career, and theyre big. I want to do BIG things, and go to far off places. But with kids...I would be a pretty crappy parent if i just took off after my wild dreams without them. I remember LOVING it when my mom stayed at home instead of worked. My favorite part of the day was when she picked me up from school, so excited and waving wildly to catch my attention. My heart would peel open and I'd run to the car cause MOM was here, and it doesnt get any better!
I miss the days when she'd be up early in the morning, making my breakfast and packing my lunch. now she works because it's a matter of necessity, but I cherish those memories. To a kid, your parent is the single most important being in your life. And i was reminded today that that's how I want to be for my kids. I want to be present. I dont want to be so busy that strangers have to take them all over the place for me. What a sucky life.
So, I suppose it comes to the question of sacrifice, and how far you're willing to go. And the more I think about it, the more I see that the most important thing there is is to be there for the next generation. I have a while to think about this, but I am glad that today happened so that i can start thinking ahead of time.
is it too boring to say that my goal in life might encompass being a good parent? I personally think that job is highly underestimated.
Today was a first for me-nanny wise. Babysitting is a different story. Taking-care -of-kids-all-day is also a different story. They're separate entities, each comprised of different needs, values, and activities. As a nanny, you become a surrogate mother. And it's really sad, actually.
My charges today were two young, wealthy teens in a fancy-shmancy part of SD. It took me almost an hour to get there, going 80 the whole way to avoid being late. When I arrived, there wasnt a mother to open the door, there was a list, on the counter, of my chores for the day.
So, starting then, I inserted myself in the lives of this busy family and drove the daughter through Pacific Beach up into La Jolla, to a photography shop for her to buy pictures of herself. Then onto lunch at Burger Lounge, then drop her off for her hour long facial, then pick her up, drive over to Miramar(!) College to pick up her little brother, bradley, from his last day of basketball camp. get little brother and his little friend, david, and take them back to the house. then an hour later take Morgan to dance class, come BACK to the house, get my pay check, and split for home. Amazingly, this took about 7 hours to accomplish.
And MY thing is, why even have kids if you arent planning on taking care of them? I mean, I'm a flat out stranger to these kids, yet it's my job to drive them all over the city, making sure their schedules flow smoothly. But really? I just feel bad for them. Where are their parents? Do they ever see them? What is keeping this family together? Their crazy schedules sure arent.
It made me think long and hard about me being a parent someday and how I want to be. I have dreams, obviously, for my career, and theyre big. I want to do BIG things, and go to far off places. But with kids...I would be a pretty crappy parent if i just took off after my wild dreams without them. I remember LOVING it when my mom stayed at home instead of worked. My favorite part of the day was when she picked me up from school, so excited and waving wildly to catch my attention. My heart would peel open and I'd run to the car cause MOM was here, and it doesnt get any better!
I miss the days when she'd be up early in the morning, making my breakfast and packing my lunch. now she works because it's a matter of necessity, but I cherish those memories. To a kid, your parent is the single most important being in your life. And i was reminded today that that's how I want to be for my kids. I want to be present. I dont want to be so busy that strangers have to take them all over the place for me. What a sucky life.
So, I suppose it comes to the question of sacrifice, and how far you're willing to go. And the more I think about it, the more I see that the most important thing there is is to be there for the next generation. I have a while to think about this, but I am glad that today happened so that i can start thinking ahead of time.
is it too boring to say that my goal in life might encompass being a good parent? I personally think that job is highly underestimated.
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